Tough Choices--Oh, and Brownies

Warning! This blog may tend to ramble a good bit, considering how long it's been since I posted and how much is going on in our lives. What? Stuff going on? Have I mentioned that today I am 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant? If it hadn't been for a strong conviction that Maddie and I weren't ready and a tough decision to do what was right for us, she would probably be here right now! That's right. We almost scheduled an induction for today. Our options for inducing were today and Thursday the 25th. There are so many "good" reasons to induce, from Jalal's time off and scheduling convenience, to having my mom here both to watch Quinn while we're in the hospital and to be here when the baby comes home, to knowing that Trish would be here for the birth, to not having to worry about going into labor when Jalal was stuck at work 40 minutes away and the roads were icy (we actually had almost 3 inches of snow Friday night and ice again yesterday morning). It would take a lot to counteract all those "pros." But the single biggest "con" was that I wasn't all that excited about checking into the hospital at 5 a.m. and getting hooked up to all the crap and machines and, my least favorite, the Pitocin. I hate Pitocin. I was on it for about 5 hours with Quinn, and it was no fun. Well, I guess it was a little fun in hindsight for Trish and Jalal (and probably the nurses) to laugh at all the things I said and did. ("I'm sorry I pushed!!" is still a big joke around here.) But I was so looking forward to avoiding it this time around if at all possible. I was (and still am) convinced that a second labor will be easier and shorter and totally doable without pain meds--as long as I don't have to have Pitocin. That's my goal, and my plan. Hopefully Maddie will come on her own in the next 8 days and we can avoid all that mess altogether. Another issue is that yesterday was my deadline for editing a 500-page economics book. I finally finished it after a sprint to the end at about 7:00 last night. If I had to then get up before dawn to be at the hospital, my mood last night would not have been relieved. As it was, I have been feeling great today! Catching up on my QT with Q-ball, going to the bounce house today and then playing an exciting game of Candy Land, taking a long nap without setting an alarm, painting my fingernails and reuniting with Facebook, which Jalal had parental blocked me from for the past week so I would get my edit done. Granted, I still have a lot to do, from baby laundry and writing thank-you cards, to paying the hospital bill in advance (seriously?) and charging the camera battery, to cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming the stairs (yes, it really needs to be done even though I am 9 1/2 months pregnant--blame the hormones). And of course, there's the Olympics to watch. Can't forget that. I guess what it comes down to is that I finally (agonizingly) made the decision that I felt was right for me, even if it means Trish and Mom can't be here and even if it messes up everyone else's schedule and even if it happens in the middle of the night. So be it. So there.

Something that is bugging me right now is the stupid Marriott. Jalal took Thursday and Friday off this week to prepare in case Maddie came as those are his last two days of his work week. Now it turns out he has to go in to work at 6 a.m. on Thursday to suspend someone and for a couple of hours on Friday because the general manager is doing an audit of his departments. That sucks!! My mom is flying in this Friday just after our very last OB appointment, and I was so hoping maybe Jalal and I could get away just the two of us for a little bit, maybe for lunch or a movie. Guess not. Oh well. I'm sure we'll get back to our biannual date nights in a year or so. :(

Last Friday afternoon, we got some snow, real snow! The last wintry weather we had in Greenville was all slush, so it was great to see the fluffy snowflakes falling fast and furious from about 3:15 until around midnight. We went outside twice to play in it, and Quinn discovered just how fun it is to throw snowballs at Mama and Dada. We could barely get him back in the house and had to bribe him with hot chocolate. We had a really great time, made a couple of small snowmen, and even took some pictures of the baby bump (pretty bumpy at this point), which are so overdue and which I will post at some point when I find the camera (I think it's still in the pocket of the coat I was wearing that night). I can't believe we got almost three inches in that short time, and that it was all melted off my car by about 3:00 the next afternoon. We did go through a ton of firewood, though, and now have just about half a dozen logs left from our whole truckload. Let's hope winter is close to over now!

Last night I was so happy to be done with my job for a while that I decided to make brownies at 9:00. When they finished, they smelled so good, and all I wanted was a warm, fresh brownie and a glass of cold milk. I pulled out my trusty plastic knife that I use only for brownies and went to work cutting them almost fresh out of the oven. I got through the first two slices and then the knife pulled up a corner of one of the brownies. I pulled it out to see why, and saw that the tip of the knife was bent into a hook shape. Guess the brownies were still a little too warm. Whoops. Now I have to find another brownie knife. Hah!

So it's crazy to me how different this pregnancy has been than the first one. I started off with Quinn almost 30 pounds lighter, I was working out pretty regularly before and during that pregnancy (dragon boating, walking hardcore, weights, belly dancing), and I worked full-time, so I didn't have constant access to a kitchen full of food (at least, not my own). This time, I am starting heavier, working out less (did I mention I have a 2-year-old?), and I spend most of my time at home, where Jalal reliably buys ice cream and snack foods whenever they are on sale (um, every week!). So how is it possible that I feel so much better this time? I still weigh less than when I delivered Quinn, and barring some crazy binge sessions in the next week, I can't possibly gain enough to pass that number (and no, you don't need to know what that number is). I am surprisingly not miserable. I do waddle, of course, but I can keep a decent pace up walking for a while. I don't groan EVERY time I have to stand up. And most importantly, I don't have cankles!!! This is huge for me, since with Quinn I had to rely exclusively on flip flops (which I hated), and even then they left upside-down V indents in my hugely swollen feet. I was so grumpy and miserable one week before Quinn's birth that I almost refused to go out for my birthday. My sister and Jalal and a couple girls from work had to drag me out for lunch and ice cream cake. Ice cream cake!! I almost turned down ice cream cake, if that tells you how dire the situation was. It makes me pretty happy that I'm not just wishing this to be over.

Well, I think that's all the rambling I have for tonight. Hope y'all managed to stay awake for that. If not, no worries. Have a brownie. I think I will. Night. Love, Us.